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What’s the difference between feelings and emotions?

Whisperboy January 3, 2017

What is the difference between Feelings And Emotions?

“Most of us think feelings and emotions are the same thing! They’re not!”

Imagine you’re walking into a very expensive clothes shop trying to find yourself a nice outfit. Let’s say you’re saving up for a holiday and right now you can only afford one outfit. Within the first 10 seconds three different outfits catch your eye. Then you go ahead and inspect and touch the material and you end up walking to the changing rooms with two outfits because you think these two outfits are the best out of the three.

As you can see here first you had your eyes on three candidates but one of them didn’t feel right.

Now you’re stood half naked in front of a changing room mirror trying to decide which of the  two outfit you’re gonna try first…

now lets, fast forward this scenario to the part where you are on your way to the till. You’re now smiling because you feel like you have chosen the best outfit out of the three. You’re smiling because you feel like you have made the right choice. You’re smiling because you are sure you’ve made an informed decision by examining all options. You’ve eliminated less ideal choices and finally you’ve chosen what’s best for you. You’re smiling because as a result of your hard work you are able to finally focus on the good feeling; it feels like you’ve achieved something. Feeling good is a good feeling isn’t it? Almost everything you do in life is to help you feel good! When we are in a stable and good emotional state, we tend to feel safe too. When you’re sure you have made the right decision, you also feel confident that you are on the right path and your hard work has paid off! As you can see here one feeling can trigger one or more other feelings as well. The thing about feelings is that you can move from one feeling to another gradually or suddenly but you can only focus on and feel one emotion at any given time. You feel what you focus on. Energy flows where focus goes.

Now Picture this: On a nice summer day, at a lovely rural house The living room window had been left open and suddenly a parrot flew into the room and sat on the edge of the fish tank. The parrot stared at the gold fish for a couple of minutes and thought this cage looks weird so does the bird inside it! then  he shouted at the goldfish: ”They’ve left your cage door wide open… why won’t you fly away?”

sometimes life choices are as personal as toothbrushes. Forcing others to make the same choice you have made is like forcing them to brush their teeth with your used toothbrush.

In other words, The best choice for you, could be the worst choice for somebody else because their needs and life circumstances could be totally different than yours. Also It’s lovely if you’re a helpful person who always puts other people’s interest and their feelings first but You can’t expect you from other people because they’re too busy being themselves. Basically what I’m trying to say here is do the right thing only if you choose to do so not because you expect the exact same behaviour in return.

Sometimes you click or tap on a search result but instead of getting the website you want, a 404 not found error message pops up on your screen indicating that the requested page is not available. A 404 error page is the standardised way of telling you that the requested information cannot be found. This is exactly when you would seek alternative ways of finding the information you’re after by clicking on other search results to find the answers you’re need to learn.

Have you ever felt confused by someone’s behaviour? Of course you have. Who hasn’t? Just so you know,… It’s completely normal to feel that way. When you are confused about something your brain’s default reaction is to call it weird. Calling things or people weird Is your brain’s way of giving you a 404 error message. That’s exactly when you need to try to find more information to be able to understand or explain the situation and You need to remember that your inability to explain or justify something and your lack of knowledge can’t be someone else’s fault.

Understanding the reason behind every human behaviour, action or reaction is nothing but a simple process. Beneath every human behaviour there is a feeling and beneath every feeling there’s a need which needs to be satisfied. It’s like a 3 layered cake. The best way to avoid confusion by someone’s behaviour is to focus on the need they’re trying to satisfy and not the behaviour itself. I will explain more and expand on needs later on but for now just remember that the better you understand this process the higher the quality of your reactions to life situations and people’s behaviour. In other words When you know how something works, or why something’s happening you can react in a more logical way and make better decisions in life. Have you ever wondered why sometimes you and your partner react differently to the same events? You burn the pizza and you feel like it’s the end of the world but your partner finds it hilarious and congratulates you on finding the fastest way to burn 1200 calories! We all know people whose initial response to anything is anger. You might know them as angry people. There are also people who always react in a cool, calm, and collected manner. They use a powerful tool called logic. Angry and logical people’s default reaction are different because they look at life events differently. If used correctly, anger can be a very effective tool. Some people show their anger through, Peaceful protesting, painting, writing, and sometimes fundraising. The lowest and the most destructive form of expressing anger is committing violence. Determination is the best way to express your anger. When someone or something makes you angry, the best thing you can do is using it as fuel to push you forward and to strengthen your resolve in righting a wrong. People who use logic in their decision making process, are the same people who’ve learned controlling a moving vehicle travelling at 30 miles per hour is way easier than controlling a vehicle travelling at 90 miles per hour because they know driving at 30 miles per hour gives them more time to respond and react to how other drivers or pedestrians behave on the road. Knowledge plus reactions equals consequences. knowledge plus reactions plus time equals better consequences. Unless you’re already been given a double life sentence for murder, there is still hope, time, and every opportunity for you to enjoy better consequences in life. Your brain has a process the available information and what almost all processes have in common is the fact that they require time. You need to wait before your brain is done processing. So Give yourself some time before reacting to the things happening to you or the people you care about. Don’t get me wrong though! There is nothing wrong with caring about yourself or the people who matter to you the most. Just make sure you won’t let emotions cloud your judgement. Keep your feelings and your judgement separate for the same reason you wouldn’t mix your whites and your Colours like you keep your whites and colours separate. Expected or unexpected incidents and accidents happen and You either react to them rationally or you won’t. But there’s one thing that never changes; and that is the fact that you will always end up having to live with the positive or negative consequences of reacting or not reacting to what happens to you. The quality of your life is determined by the consequences of your actions or reactions and it also helps to remember that it’s not your life events that upset or disappoint you it’s your judgement about them. It is your judgement and how you perceive the results that makes you enjoy or suffer with the consequences you achieve.

 

The story of the 2 shoe Salesmen

Many years ago a shoe manufacturing company sent 2 salesmen to a remote island with a population of only 2000 people. As soon as they landed at the island’s only airport, they realised everyone was walking barefoot. It seemed as though no one felt the need to wear shoes! The first salesman turned to the other and said “This is ridiculous! I don’t understand what we are being punished for! Why would they send us to an island where no one wears shoes!”

then he took his phone out of his pocket and sent his manger a text message:

“Hi! Simon,

You’re not gonna believe this! No one wears shoes on this island! They don’t even have a shoe store here. I’m flying back home tomorrow morning.

The other salesman thought for a few minutes to assess the situation and then he also sent his manager a text message:

“Hi! Simon,

You’re not gonna believe this! No one wears shoes on this island! They don’t even have a shoe store here! This is a fantastic opportunity! Please send me 2000 pairs of shoes! We’ve got work to do!”

The moral of the story is:

1. Your thoughts determine your emotions and the emotions you choose to feel determine the actions you take. In other words, energy flows where your focus goes.

2. Your emotions are like the outfits in the expensive clothes shop example we talked about earlier.

You decide how the results should be perceived and interpreted. If you do not learn how to keep your feelings out of your decision making process your chances of success will be smaller than the chances of a democracy in Iran. Successful people can separate how they feel and what they decide. A habit which does not form easily. It takes time and enduring pressure. The same process coal goes through before it turns into diamonds but when you finally master the art of separating your emotions and your decisions, you’ll find out it was all worth it.

If you don’t learn how to shift your focus from feeling worried about the future or feeling hurt from the past to your to do lists and your goals, you won’t achieve your goals because you’d be too busy dealing with your hard to handle feelings whilst someone else is achieving the same goals you always wanted to achieve. You need to learn from your mistakes and at the risk of sounding as grim as Wednesday Addams I’m just gonna come out and say it

“People who forget history are doomed to repeat it”

As we already discussed how we react is the result of how we perceive situations. For instance, losing a shoe can be stressful until u meet someone with a missing toe and missing a toe is stressful until u meet someone who’s lost a leg. Someone who’s lost a leg feels stressed until they meet someone with terminal cancer. Now all of a sudden losing a shoe isn’t that stressful is it ? It’s all about perspective and how you interpret situations.

For some reason it feels like Uncertainty tends to make human beings feel unsafe which is completely natural and understandable because feeling safe is a basic human need which needs to be satisfied. You always feel the need to know and control the outcome of every event happening around you so you can feel safe, however what do you think it is that you need to do to get the results you want so you can feel safe? The answer is you need to take actions which would help increase the likelihood of you getting the outcome you’re trying to achieve. Just to give you an example, if you’re a sprinter, running slowly would not help you get a gold medal in the Olympic games. You would have to run fast and get to the finish line before the other contestants do. Similarly, if you’re allergic to nuts,

No matter what happens, your reaction to an event can be only one of the 3: you like it, you don’t like it or it makes no difference to you at all and this is the basis of whether you react to events or not.
Emotions are thoughts. They’re called feelings when you experience them consciously or unconsciously. You sometimes feel your emotions physically such as back pain, stomach-ache, or tiredness, and sometimes mentally such as excitement, love and fear. There are also times when you feel stressed out and this can be felt both physically and mentally.

Is it possible to feel more than one emotion at the same time? Let me explain the answer through a hypothetical but common example:

picture this: You fancy a hot drink and you go ahead and make yourself a lovely cup of tea. All of a sudden a really loud noise makes you jump and somehow you end up dropping your freshly made cups of tea on your floor. Now you’re disappointed because you didn’t get to drink your cup of tea and you’re probably pissed off now because you’re gonna have to make another cup of tea AND clean up the floor. Now you are quite agitated and stressed out just because you didn’t get to enjoy your cup of tea. In other words you are stressed out because you lost control of your desired outcome. A desired outcome you would not remember in 5 years time. When situations like this happen all you need to do is reminding yourself that you can do it again and contain the negative feelings like firefighter controls a small fire before it turns into a massive and out of control hell.
As you can see here it is possible to feel more than one emotion right after another but contrary to common belief you don’t feel more than one emotion at a time. You feel emotions in quick succession but because it is not possible to focus on more than one feeling at the same time, your focus jumps from from one emotion to the next very quickly and you end up focusing on the emotion you’re used to the most. The rest of the emotions are still there but you feel the one which is your default mode the most. Feeling one Emotion can trigger other emotions. We are naturally able to focus our vision on one object at a time. In the same way we can only focus on one thoughts and then move on to the next thought but because we are capable of shifting our focus from one thought to another it sometimes feels like we are overwhelmed by different thoughts. Now that you know this principle you can control your focus and choose what you focus on and if you practice this long enough you will be able to focus on your desired thoughts. Energy flows where your focus goes. Sometimes the greatest obstacle you have to overcome is staying focused on what will get you the results you want instead of getting distracted by thoughts which won’t help you in any shape or form. We just talked about whether emotions specially negative ones can be felt simultaneously or not but that’s not the main thing. The main thing is to be aware of this and avoid making decisions when you find yourself in situations like this. We sometimes find ourselves feeling hangry which happens when extreme hunger makes us lose our patience and temper. You see a lot of hangry people in restaurants when the long wait has put them in a really bad mood. Have you ever wondered why sometimes you and your partner react differently to the same

If your emotions were an plane you would be the pilot. Considering most of your emotional responses are pre defined and automatic with deep and strong roots in your subconcious; we can also say that your past experiences are your airplane’s auto pilot system and we all know good pilots never use auto-pilot during a flight’s most crucial moments such as take off or landing. The auto pilot system is a really helpful tool but pilots remember their training, experiences and decision making procedures and manuals when it comes to making important decisions. Have you ever made a decision you regretted after a few days or months of making the decision? Have you ever wished you could turn back time and make a better decision? By controlling and taking charge of your emotions, you can avoid finding yourself in regretful situations. You cannot pause, save or rewind time however you can pause, think and make decisions which serve you and your future now. Regret is probably one of the worst emotions you could ever experience and the best way to make sure you won’t experience regret is to make calculated decisions now. Trying to turn back time is like trying to put toothpaste back in the tube after you’ve squeezed it out.

When we do something we shouldn’t have done it is natural to feel either shame or guilt but did you know shame and guilt aren’t the same thing? To understand the difference First try to answer this question:

If guilt and shame are 2 completely different emotions, What’s the difference maker in this equasion?

Picture this: You’re sat in a restaurant and all of a sudden someone knocks your drink off the table by mistake. How can you tell if what they’re feeling is guilt or shame?

Interestingly not many people are aware of the difference between these two controversial emotions. So if you don’t know the answer don’t worry it’s really simple.

The answer is: if the person who has made the mistake takes steps to compensate for their mistake and somehow try to make it up to you they are feeling guilty however if they ignore the incident or make it even worse by being aggressive or defensive, they are feeling shame because the person in question finds it pointless to try to make it up to you because he or she has already accepted that he or she is a bad person and bad people do not find it necessary to do good things or fix something they’ve broken.

You might think we have come a long way since 45000 years ago when our more modern ancestors started documenting life events and concepts by painting them on cave walls. Imagine back then how excited people must have felt queuing up to see the paining for the first time. I dare to imagine they would have been vigour itself. as excited as movie fans today queuing up to watch the premier of a James Bond movie.

So, yes! Technologically speaking we have definitely come a long way, however the way we think hasn’t changed that much. Today we use high tech phones and instant messaging apps but we still send each other emojis which is essentially expressing our thoughts and feelings through the medium of miniaturised images which is cool but requires being well clued up on emoji related unwritten rules. Apparently if you were to remind someone to buy eggplants, sending the eggplant emoji alone wouldn’t be enough and you would have to add a few words to your text message to avoid all sorts of feelings including awkwardness or confusion. How you feel about things is a result of how you interpret your life’s major or minor events. How you interpret your life events after a while turns into a habit which would turn into your automated responses to almost anything and everything. In other words, If you feel in a certain way for long enough, your automated responses get established as habits just like cute little foot prints birds leave on a freshly poured and smooth concrete floor.

You fall asleep when you’re tired enough however your brain never does. when you’re asleep, your brain’s conscious control over your body get reduced to a bare minimum. That’s when your brain sorts the information it has received during the day. It organises and stores what’s important and deletes what’s not important. Whether you’re asleep or awake, your brain keeps sending you warnings and notifications based on the assessments it carries out. These are thoughts and ideas which you have available to you as emotions. Your brain’s job is not to keep you happy. It’s job is to keep you alive and safe. It presents you with millions of thoughts  and warnings throughout the day. It’s up to you to dismiss these thoughts and warnings or action them.




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